Girly Brainiac

Girly Brainiac

Thursday, May 26, 2016

7 C's For Intrinsic Dating

Malone and Lepper conducted an experiment on intrinsic motivation.  This theory can be applied to the dating realm with confidence at the top of the hierarchy. 

1) Challenge - Don't be too available.  Couples should find a happy balance between alone time and shared time.  Both parties should be capable of being independent, but be interdependent. 

2) Choices - Have realistic standards, but do not be controlling.  Realize you will never change your partner, so you have to accept every aspect about them.  You might not like everything about them, but also remember you aren't perfect either.

3) Competence - Create an open dialogue by following Stephen Covey's advice, which is listening to understand instead of conjuring up a rebuttal.  Avoid judging, assuming, passive aggressive behavior, exploiting your significant other's flaws, gossiping, nagging, and instigating.  Tell your significant other and show them you are on the same team. 

4) Commonality -  Having a similar upbringing, lifestyle, personality, values, interests, and plans can certainly help.  Similar interests are perks, but they certainly should not be a deal breaker because perks do not make a relationship last.  Commonalities will foster a sense of belongingness and recreation. 

5) Curiosity - Avoid oversharing information to your significant other and others to avoid gossip and create an air of mystery.  

6. Chemistry - Be upbeat, playful, and witty to establish and maintain a romantic relationship.   Never stop flirting with your loved one and having date night.

7. Companionship - Every solid foundation is

founded on trust, respect, patience, and an 

emotional connection.  A wise man said love is 

friendship set on fire.

This theory is a compilation of the cognitive 

evaluation theory (regarding intrinsic 

motivation), social penetration theory, 7 

relational dialectics, 3 interpersonal needs,

 cognitive valence theory, which has been 

broken down into layman's terms; as the 7 c's 

of  creating and maintaining attraction.  It 

delves  into notions regarding the 6 forms of 

attraction, which are: intellectual, emotional, 

aesthetic, romantic, sexual, and sensual 

attraction.  Whenever the level of attraction 

changes, it can lead to the improvement of a 

relationship, termination of a relationship, or 

temporary frustration.  Temporary frustration

can snowball into something bigger if proper

conflict resolution isn't put into place.  The

popular quote about never going to bed angry

should be thrown away; as not every problem 

can be solved in one night.  It's best to set a 

deadline and to ensure both parties feel heard

and have a win-win situation.  Both parties need

to get to the root cause of the problem, be 

vulnerable, and listen to understand their 

significant other.

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