Girly Brainiac

Girly Brainiac

Thursday, May 26, 2016

7 C's For Intrinsic Dating

Malone and Lepper conducted an experiment on intrinsic motivation.  This theory can be applied to the dating realm with confidence at the top of the hierarchy. 

1) Challenge - Don't be too available.  Couples should find a happy balance between alone time and shared time.  Both parties should be capable of being independent, but be interdependent. 

2) Choices - Have realistic standards, but do not be controlling.  Realize you will never change your partner, so you have to accept every aspect about them.  You might not like everything about them, but also remember you aren't perfect either.

3) Competence - Create an open dialogue by following Stephen Covey's advice, which is listening to understand instead of conjuring up a rebuttal.  Avoid judging, assuming, passive aggressive behavior, exploiting your significant other's flaws, gossiping, nagging, and instigating.  Tell your significant other and show them you are on the same team. 

4) Commonality -  Having a similar upbringing, lifestyle, personality, values, interests, and plans can certainly help.  Similar interests are perks, but they certainly should not be a deal breaker because perks do not make a relationship last.  Commonalities will foster a sense of belongingness and recreation. 

5) Curiosity - Avoid oversharing information to your significant other and others to avoid gossip and create an air of mystery.  

6. Chemistry - Be upbeat, playful, and witty to establish and maintain a romantic relationship.   Never stop flirting with your loved one and having date night.

7. Companionship - Every solid foundation is

founded on trust, respect, patience, and an 

emotional connection.  A wise man said love is 

friendship set on fire.

This theory is a compilation of the cognitive 

evaluation theory (regarding intrinsic 

motivation), social penetration theory, 7 

relational dialectics, 3 interpersonal needs,

 cognitive valence theory, which has been 

broken down into layman's terms; as the 7 c's 

of  creating and maintaining attraction.  It 

delves  into notions regarding the 6 forms of 

attraction, which are: intellectual, emotional, 

aesthetic, romantic, sexual, and sensual 

attraction.  Whenever the level of attraction 

changes, it can lead to the improvement of a 

relationship, termination of a relationship, or 

temporary frustration.  Temporary frustration

can snowball into something bigger if proper

conflict resolution isn't put into place.  The

popular quote about never going to bed angry

should be thrown away; as not every problem 

can be solved in one night.  It's best to set a 

deadline and to ensure both parties feel heard

and have a win-win situation.  Both parties need

to get to the root cause of the problem, be 

vulnerable, and listen to understand their 

significant other.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

What is the Minimalist Lifestyle?

The minimalist lifestyle is about reducing waste, saving money, and valuing meaningful relationships, contributing to society in a positive manner, and having memorable experiences rather than acquiring material possessions. 

Shopping is seen as a form of entertainment in the U.S.  Once Americans are at the mall they struggle to resist temptations.  Sticking with a list and purchasing items that are needs instead of wants can save Americans a lot of trouble financially.  

Excessive shopping isn't healthy because it contributes to the concept of the rat race, which is buying a ton of money to impress people, and then having to work hard in attempt to pay off debt.  A person who is confident doesn't need someone else's approval and knows their personality is what matters.  Confident people don't associate themselves with people who don't like them and they don't buy things for attention because they feel like they aren't loved, special, and desired.

Even during modern times debt can still be optional with hard work.  The book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter talks about the rat race, paying off debt, living within your means, and saving for potential emergencies and retirement.  In the book they talk about not having material items take over your life, learning to purchase assets instead of liabilities, and work hard to achieve financial success.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

An Old-Fashioned Romantics' Point-of-View on Love

I'm a hopeful, old-fashioned romantic who believes a genuine relationship filled with substance is rare, but possible.

The famous saying about how there are plenty of fish in the sea is true, but it's also filled with sting rays, barracudas, great white sharks, and box jellyfish.  It's my duty to respect myself and avoid the dangerous creatures lurking out there in the dating pool waiting for their next prey and pick someone who won't hurt me. 

I will always attract good, mediocre, and bad guys, but I have to use my best judgement and be selective in a realistic manner to find Mr. Right.  With all of this being said, finding the right guy for me is the simple part.

While it's nice to doze off and believe in fairy tales, I don't believe in soul mates.  No one can complete me and my life shouldn't revolve around a person.  A relationship should have an interdependent component to it; where lovers should spend time together finding the right balance of novelty and stability in the activities they pursue while spending time alone to relax, socialize, or be productive.

I believe lovers should start off as friends and build upon that over time, so they can have a solid foundation based on trust, respect, and all of the key ingredients for making a relationship worthwhile, healthy, and happy.  Michael Bolton was right when he sang the song "how can we be lovers if we can't be friends?"  Without trust and respect, you're just playing games and toying with someone's emotions.  

Speed dating and casual relationships are the norm these days because people allow them to happen.  If a guy isn't enthusiastic about being with me or afraid of commitment, then he is out!  I am not gonna be with someone who wants to use pick-up artist strategies like negging, the 3 day rule, or the dreaded D.E.N.N.I.S. System from the hit t.v. show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" or uses excuses of why he doesn't wanna be with me at the time.  When a person wants something, they will shift their priorities and make time.

All of us have a chance at finding love and keeping it forever, but we our own worst enemies because we give up on the romance and play games because of what society tells us.  It's also ironic that society tells us to be ourselves and yet society also says you have to do this and the other thing.  Be 100% yourself and don't associate yourself with people who don't accept it.  Love isn't about agreeing, preferring, or liking everything someone has to offer.  It's about accepting them for who they are completely and not wishing they were different and trying to force them into something else.  When a person is allowed to open up with you and be completely themself, they will fall madly in love with you because there are too many people out there who are close-minded.  Top that off with helping them grow, challenging them, making them giggle till their tummy hurts, learning about their interests, and you'll be a keeper.